With Mandy's help and her clothes, I would be a slut by day, and learnall about pleasing boys. I would earn my reputation as the 'easiest'girl anyone ever knew. I would have so much sex that, by the time I wasready for Daddy, being with him would be just another 'fuck'. I likedthe sound of that word and whispered it to myself as I lay there in bed,and only felt a twinge of embarrassment. "Fuck," I said a littlelouder. Rita kept on sleeping. I comforted myself with the idea that ifhaving sex felt as good with boys as it did with Mandy, then I would atleast have fun being the slut I wanted to be. At night, I would comehome and be the sweet, innocent-looking little girl that would makeMommy happy and keep Daddy away -- until I was ready for him.I still worried over how my behavior would affect Darryl and Rita, athome and at school, but if it meant keeping Daddy away from Rita, and usgetting to have a home and all that went with it, then they were justgoing to have to deal with. I place the letter, written with purple ink, on crimsonpaper on the bedroom door. It reads: ?Dear George: I very much want to be the woman you want me to be, in allrespects. I am sorry that I cannot, willingly, give you what you want. I guessthe nuns messed me up more than I thought. I do however want you to have whatever you want from me so: You are just going to have to take it yourself. Your present is in the music room. Don?t say anything. Happy Birthday my love.? The room is warm, dark except for the spot in the center. Ihave passed a belt over the beam in the center, and the leather cuffs hang fromthe belt. I give a final check to the credenza. Everything is as it should be.The bullwhip, crop and cane, neatly arranged beside the box. My note, on thebox: ?Darling: I am giving youeverything. Tonight and always. But I may not be ableto control myself. That?s what the gag is for. Tonight only moans and screamsshould come out of my mouth, and only ? you, should be coming in. Use.
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